this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
