i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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