I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I cockslap morals
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
