fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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