At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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