pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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