here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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