I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
