Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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