can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Houston, we have a squirter
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
