A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
