I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
