Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
