There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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