Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
