Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
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We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
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His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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