Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
