I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
