its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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