whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Duck Duck Cougar?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
