I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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