jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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