I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
