my vag is so smooth its legendary
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
