Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
