neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
