just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
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Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
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I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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