Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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