Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
