so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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