so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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