SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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