She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
