Is it normal to miss your booty call?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
