I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
