I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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