a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
