If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
