When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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