who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Randomize
