Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
