saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
