Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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