I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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