It's Friday. Sex?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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