I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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