i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
