yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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