i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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