you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I think I sprained my soul last night
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
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