Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
