I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
