she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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