he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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