why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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