I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
