Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm gonna have a badass scar
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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