i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
