I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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