If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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