Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
