i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
