your room smells of hookers.
And success
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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