dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Success! We fucked roommates!
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
