id be glad to
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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