ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
