dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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