I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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