Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
My bed smells like the plague
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
