margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
